How Do You Ask

How do you invite people to help you? What does the “ask” look like? My wife is great at a lot of different things. One of the many things she has Ninja-like skills in is helping our daughter learn to be helpful in our home. The scenario plays itself out almost every night around 7:30.

It is time to begin transitioning towards our toddlers’ bedtime, but many of her toys are still laying around the house. We feel the pressure to have the house picked up, and without thinking I am likely to tell my daughter, “I need you to pick up your toys and put them away.” As you might imagine, that does not move her into a cleaning frenzy.

It is at that point that my wife with Ninja-like skills will pause and say to my daughter, “I am trying to get the living-room cleaned up…will you please help me?” Based on my daughter’s reaction I must have been speaking a foreign language to her. I ask for her help and she keeps on playing. My wife asks for her help and she springs into action.

Cami and I both asked Nora for something, but we were doing it in very different ways. My request was based out of pressure and need. I told my daughter what I needed and allowed the “ask” to be based in that need. Meanwhile my wife had a very similar request, however that request was based in vision and invitation.

Lead with need if you want to create short-term obedience and movement, lead with vision to create long-term engagement and momentum. (click to tweet)

The difference is important when you consider your team, and the way you invite people to serve. There will always be pressing needs, but we must not allow our felt need to drive us. Each of us has a choice to be driven by need and pressure or driven by opportunity and vision.

Whenever you invite someone onto your team make sure you lead with vision. Do not allow your pressure to be a driving force when inviting others into a journey with you. (click to tweet)

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